LESSONS FROM FATHERHOOD
INTRODUCTION
“While we strive to teach our children all about all the different aspects of life, it’s actually our children who become the teachers, showing us just what life really has to offer.” —Angela Schwindt
Children bring joy and completeness into our lives; they make us smile back and give us all the optimism needed in this world, with their happy all-day attitude. And if they get the chance, they teach us all great life lessons.
Of course, raising and developing growing children-who grow up on so many levels, physically, socially,
intellectually, and emotionally-has definitely created an altogether new interesting aspect of our journey together as a family. Indeed, I do not wish it could be different than it is, for with time, I have learned that some of the most quintessential and major things I’ve learned about life itself are through this experience-and what a priceless one-of living with, watching, and interacting with my children while they continue on their path.
Considering notes on:
1. One neighborhood friend is worth more than a basement full of toys.
My two children have an amazing talent for engaging in activities with other children in the neighborhood for hours on end. Happily they will play at whatever, running from yard to yard, playing spirited games of tag, catching bugs with much enthusiasm, or simply enjoying the thrill of swinging on the swings at the park.
Between them, they can spend literally every afternoon and evening enjoying each other’s company, never once feeling even remotely bored. But when events transpire that force me to take my children away from their friends to a day spent in the house with their toys, a sense of boredom nearly immediately begins to seep in.
The initial exuberance and excitement of a child playing alone in a room full of a variety of toys pretty much dissipates and fades to the background.
LESSON LEARNED: Relating to people is often much more stimulating and, over time, much more rewarding, than accumulating possessions.
2. No one gets dressed up to impress another person.
My oldest son has two prerequisites for his clothes: 1) that he can get them dirty and 2) that he won’t get too hot. He has never worn a shirt to impress a girl or a pair of slacks to impress his teacher. He has worn a shirt and slacks because his parents asked him to, but that’s a different subject.
I really do not think that impressing other people with the latest and the most fantastic clothes has ever crossed his mind and therefore has never constituted even a minute proportion of his decision-making process. He simply does not feel obliged to live up to society’s expectations or surprise other people with his outfit. Because this attitude liberates him so much, he is completely satisfied and happy just in a clean Lacoste shirt and a pair of well-worn shorts.
LESSON IN LIFE: Clothe yourself based on utilitarian purposes, not to impress the impression of other people.
3. Life’s bruises and bumps are best soothed by a hug and a kiss rather than new toys.
My youngest son falls down a lot- as most three-year old’s do. And when he skins her knee, he wants only one thing – her mommy to pick him up, give her a kiss and tell him everything is going to be ok. He doesn’t ask for a new toy … he only wants love and security. He has found the antidote to pain, and wouldn’t trade it for anything else.
LIFE’S LESSON: It’s not about turning to “things” to soothe the pains we are going through but rather turning to love, acceptance, and security.
4. Delicate things are not a matter of a person’s personality.
I think this is one of my favorite places to help-my son’s junior high classroom-maybe because it may be one of the few places left on earth where labels don’t exist. All are accepted at age 13, and everyone plays with everyone else. Each person begins the day on equal footing. No person is prejudged by the house that he lives in or the clothes that he wears.
May our world begin to look more and more like a junior high classroom.
LESSON IN LIFE: And so, in the appraisal of men, what is truly important is the heart and substance of their character, and not the superficial and usually meaningless externals that life can present.
5. Too many toys in a box just get in the way of the good ones.
The irony here is that right after the holiday period, my children’s life, sets, and surroundings get invaded by a mountain of brand new toys, full of colorful options and attractive possibilities. With really huge amounts of excitement and delight, they greet all these newcomers, so that the atmosphere gets promptly filled with a buzz of enthusiasm.
But then, after two or three days at most, they get unceremoniously pushed aside, and my children revert to their old favorites, that is, the toys they had been using long before the holiday period started. It goes without saying that the new ones we had thought would make them happier, do not live up to our expectations. Instead, they just start cluttering the space around us, posing rather an obstacle than a source of delight.
LESSON IN LIFE: Whatever things most of us possess, we think will finally bring long-lasting excitement into our life and will lead to a happy life. Whereas, in practice, most of the time they end up being an obstacle to finally achieve ultimate fulfillment and joy.
6. The more a person plays with toys, the longer it would take him to clean them up.
We straighten up and put everything back in its place every night before going to bed, at least almost every night, not because this clean-up will save us time or because it is an investment in making life easier, but because coincidentally, this cleaned-up practice taught our children a very important, albeit very basic premise:
the more toys we take from the closet and set up to play with, the more time and energy we later devote to cleaning up after having been done with it and thus, vice versa, the less time we spend actually playing and enjoying those toys.
LIFELONG LESSON: The more worldly possessions we incur with time, the more and more of our precious time and energy becomes a must to put in for them to be well taken care of: cleaning them properly, arranging them in an orderly fashion, sorting them out from time to time to be at their right places.
- Of course, the idle walk to the beach at any part of the day is far better compared to wasting your time playing with some brand-new video game. Beautiful graphics, an engaging full sensual experience, and any deep connection created on a casual family beach walk may be obtained from the video game in its current creation and construction state,
but never have been able to compete with those things, and it doesn’t seem they ever will. And along those lines, no other thing created and aired on the television is going to compete with that either. The beach has always been my favorite spot simply because it is near the ocean; thus,
it creates a very good opportunity for walking with kids along the shores, stopping from time to time to get a glimpse of the beautiful landscape ahead and the fresh sea breeze. LIVING LESSON: Get off the box, go outside and breath some air. Live your life, don’t watch it. It may well be that children exist in the world so that we adults can rediscover and learn anew so much of what we already know and are wise about. Thank you, you.
